The Power of Imperfection: Make Better Decisions, Take Real Action | Oliver Burkeman

This week on The Art of Charm, we're joined by award-winning psychologist and bestselling author Ethan Kross to explore the fascinating science of emotion regulation. In his newest book Shift: Managing Your Emotions So They Don't Manage You, Ethan reveals how emotions secretly drive 90% of our lives—and how mastering them can unlock performance, connection, and fulfillment. We dig into why your emotions feel so overwhelming, why trying harder isn’t the solution, and how building your own mental "toolbox" is the real path to emotional fitness. Whether you're leading teams, raising a family, or striving for personal excellence, this conversation will give you the tactical edge you didn't even realize you needed. [00:00:00] What exactly are emotions — and why are they so hard to define? [00:06:35] How emotions are helpful — until they aren't [00:08:33] Why emotional triggers are unique to each person (and why empathy matters) [00:12:14] The surprising connection between sleep, food, and your emotional resilience [00:16:31] How to design your environment for automatic emotional shifts [00:28:20] The secret to becoming a better emotional advisor for friends, family, and teams [00:37:05] Why belief in your ability to regulate emotions is just as important as skill [00:45:51] When emotional avoidance is actually healthy [00:48:39] How elite performers make emotional regulation automatic (WOOP framework explained) Emotions aren't irrational noise — they're signals. But they must be managed with tools, not brute force. Your triggers, emotional responses, and coping strategies are as unique as your fingerprint. Stop copying other people's solutions. Mastering emotions is like mastering fitness: belief, awareness, and deliberate practice matter more than natural talent. The environment you live and work in can either sabotage or support your emotional state — design it thoughtfully. Emotional support isn’t just about listening; it’s about knowing when (and how) to move from empathy to problem-solving. You can't think your way through every emotional challenge — but you can train yourself to act automatically under pressure. Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm. Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence. Ethan Kross’s website Shift: Managing Your Emotions--So They Don't Manage You AJ on LinkedIn Johnny on LinkedIn AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube The Art of Charm on TikTok What to Listen ForEpisode Takeaways:A Word From Our SponsorsResources from this EpisodeCheck in with AJ and Johnny! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you missing the skill that actually determines success? In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak reveal how to create genuine connections in high-stakes situations - whether it's a first date, business lunch, or million-dollar meeting. This masterclass in "vibing" breaks down the science of meaningful connection and shares practical strategies that helped one client secure a $100 million investment during a simple golf outing. AJ and Johnny explain why focusing on shared emotional states—not just similarities—is the secret to memorable connections. If you struggle with making strong impressions, maximizing limited time with important contacts, or turning brief interactions into meaningful relationships, this episode offers the framework you've been missing. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Why social intelligence trumps technical skill for long-term success [00:02:04] How to approach high-stakes social situations with confidence [00:05:27] How one client secured a $100M investment during a golf outing [00:07:41] Strategic seating arrangements that create instant rapport [00:09:36] Open-ended questions that make the other person feel valued [00:12:29] Why shared emotions matter more than shared interests [00:14:09] Breaking the "question train" to avoid overwhelming others [00:16:56] How to discuss your passions authentically (even "nerdy" ones) [00:18:31] When and how to share your mission to inspire others to help [00:20:44] How to practice vibing in low-stakes situations Episode Takeaways: Social intelligence explains 85% of executive success while technical skill only accounts for 15% Sitting side-by-side creates better connection than sitting across from someone Focus on shared emotional states rather than just finding similarities Use open-ended questions that reveal both facts AND feelings Break the "question train" with the question-answer-statement formula Share your journey, not just your current credentials or position Discuss your passions with genuine emotion to create memorable connections If someone seems reserved, be the first to open up and show vulnerability Practice these skills in low-stakes situations before applying them to important meetings A Word From Our Sponsors Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Quince Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Shopify Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm. Indeed Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm. Curious about your influence level? Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence. Resources from this Episode The Art of Charm Social Intelligence Program Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on LinkedIn Johnny on LinkedIn AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In a world where remote work, Slack threads, and Zoom fatigue dominate, The Art of Charm welcomes Andrew Brodsky, management professor at UT Austin and author of Ping: The Secrets of Successful Virtual Communication. This episode is a masterclass in how to reclaim productivity, enhance visibility, and communicate strategically in a virtual-first world. Andrew introduces the PING Framework — a practical toolkit for navigating digital communication with precision, warmth, and power. If you're feeling drained by back-to-back video calls, unclear on how to network virtually, or unsure how to make your contributions seen and respected — this episode offers the clarity you've been craving. What to Listen For [00:00:00] The one question almost no one asks that instantly improves meetings [00:04:39] Media richness, cue variety, and why Zoom still feels awkward [00:11:43] Introducing the PING Framework: Perspective, Initiative, Nonverbal, Goals [00:16:44] How to create communication boundaries and stop feeling “always on” [00:25:43] Generational differences and why Gen Z hates the thumbs-up emoji [00:29:05] The visibility trap of remote work and how to build presence [00:35:25] Cold messaging: why successful people are more likely to respond than you think [00:44:03] Why asking for advice increases perceived competence — not weakness [00:48:54] How to rekindle faded relationships without making it weird [00:53:47] Bringing back the “virtual water cooler” [00:57:53] Mimicry and digital nonverbal cues that build instant trust Episode Takeaways: Stop defaulting to email or video — ask how people prefer to communicate. It’s a subtle power move that builds trust fast. Productivity ≠ Visibility. If no one knows what you’re doing, it doesn’t count. The people you look up to are getting fewer cold messages than you think. Stand out with brevity, specificity, and a simple ask. Remote communication is not inferior — it’s different. Use the PING Framework (Perspective, Initiative, Nonverbal, Goals) to choose the best format for your message. Want better work-life balance? Define communication norms with your team. A thoughtful reconnection text can mean more than you think. A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm. Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence. Resources from this Episode Ping: The Secrets of Successful Virtual Communication Andrew Brodsky’s website Ping Group’s website Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on LinkedIn Johnny on LinkedIn AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of The Art of Charm, we sit down with Sebastien Page — Chief Investment Officer at T. Rowe Price and author of The Psychology of Leadership — to explore what world-class leadership really looks like. Blending sports psychology, positive psychology, and personality science, Sebastien unpacks the mental habits of resilient leaders, the science behind stress optimization, and the silent traps that sabotage ambition. He reveals why perfection isn't the goal, why some stress is critical to peak performance, and why goals—if unchecked—can lead to ethical and personal blind spots. If you're a driven professional seeking clarity, impact, and self-mastery, this conversation will give you a psychological edge that most leaders miss. What to Listen For [00:00] Why “no stress” is not the goal — and why some stress makes you perform better [00:06:41] The misunderstood link between flow, performance, and leadership engagement [00:10:01] Stress tolerance affects team dynamics [00:13:59] The dangerous myth of the “always calm” leader [00:17:07] The hidden power of quality relationships in long-term success [00:21:29] Why goal setting without wisdom leads to burnout or regret [00:38:44] Defining your own core values vs. chasing someone else's metrics [00:42:30] The Big Five Personality Traits and how they transform leadership empathy [00:56:59] How to harness social comparison as a competitive advantage — without letting it destroy your self-worth Episode Takeaways: Stress is not the enemy. Managed correctly, it’s the fuel for your best performance and presence. Leadership doesn’t mean suppressing emotion. It means learning how to channel it to create clarity for others. Goal setting is powerful — but without meaning, you risk losing everything that matters chasing things that don’t. Self-awareness begins with understanding how your personality shapes your leadership Don’t wait for “the perfect team.” Instead, test, adapt, and build self-aware systems that evolve with context. Your most important asset isn’t strategy — it’s trust. A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm. Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence. Resources from this Episode The Psychology of Leadership: Timeless principles to improve your management of individuals, teams… and yourself! Sebastien Page on LinkedIn Harvard’s 80-year study on happiness and relationships The Yerkes-Dodson Law (stress vs. performance curve) Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on LinkedIn Johnny on LinkedIn AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we’re joined by Dr. Caroline Fleck—licensed psychologist, corporate consultant, and Stanford adjunct. With years of clinical practice and executive coaching under her belt, Dr. Fleck has developed powerful validation techniques that help high performers build authentic relationships and navigate complex conversations. Her groundbreaking work, detailed in her new book, Validation, transforms the way professionals connect both personally and professionally.  Join us for a compelling conversation with Dr. Caroline Fleck as she reveals why the art of validation is your secret weapon—and how embracing vulnerability, strategic empathy, and even unconventional self-disclosure can transform your leadership. Dr. Fleck shares proven insights from her work in clinical psychology and executive coaching, and explains why emotional intelligence is your ultimate edge in today's fast-paced world. What to Listen For Introduction – 00:00:00 Why is validation psychology’s best-kept secret—and how is it different from praise or agreement? The Eight Levels of Validation – 00:04:10 What are the eight levels of validation, and how do they build on each other to create emotional depth and rapport? Why is attending the foundation of every meaningful interaction—and how can you practice it today? What makes copying such a surprisingly powerful way to signal connection and build trust? Contextualizing and Equalizing – 00:23:06 How does contextualizing help you understand behavior that seems irrational or frustrating on the surface? What’s the key to equalizing without hijacking the conversation or minimizing the other person’s experience? Proposing and Taking Action – 00:36:43 How can you “listen to the unsaid” and use proposing to surface unspoken thoughts or emotions? How can misusing action harm relationships—and what should you do instead? Emoting and Disclosure – 00:47:10 Why is emoting such a powerful signal of empathy, and how can you practice it without feeling awkward? What makes disclosure the highest—and riskiest—form of validation, especially in professional settings? Why emotional intelligence is more essential than ever in the age of AI A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm. Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence. Resources from this Episode Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life Dr Caroline Fleck’s website Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on LinkedIn Johnny on LinkedIn AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices